Resilience
Good parenting means letting your children fail often
While it’s perfectly natural for parents to want to protect their children and keep them safe, it’s often the case that parents take this need to protect too far. Often, kids are not permitted to explore and navigate their world without close supervision for fear that they may physically or emotionally injure themselves or make the wrong decision.
Not succeeding is an important part of learning. Parents allow children to fall when they are learning to walk. We knew they will get upset and frustrated during the process, but we also know that they will get back up and eventually learn to walk. Unfortunately, as children get older, and supposedly more capable, parents often step in and do tasks because its quicker and easier. This limits children’s’ learning opportunities.
The gift of resilience!
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from a negative situation. We all know that happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them. Thankfully, while do genes play a role, we can also learn to become resilient. The environment can trigger us to be more resilient, but it can also work the other way – it can suppress our ability to be resilient.
Parents can promote resilience by creating a healthy emotional environment at home. By focusing on:
- Self-care – looking after your own physical and emotional wellbeing;
- Developing a healthy bond between you and your child
- Set boundaries and behavioural expectations for your child;
- Set ‘realistic expectations’ around achievement;
- Let your child experience negative emotions (e.g. disappointment) and help them to lose well;
- Encourage problem solving skills;
- Promote independence at home;
- Encourage an optimistic mindset.
When children are protected from failing or disappointment, even when this is coming from a place of love, it will come at a cost later in life. These opportunities need to be taken to help you child develop the skills to problem solve and manage the future challenges and setback that are inevitable throughout life – you may not be there to rescue them. Learning what it feels like to lose or not get what you want is a part of becoming emotionally competent. It is important to validate those negative emotions and also encourage ways to soothe them.
Learning to take risks and recover from disappointment helps build confidence and courage. Let your children fail – it may be the most important parenting decision you ever make.
How to Access a Psychologist at CQ Psych Services:
- Contact us directly by calling 07 49726929 or email admin@cqpsychservices.com.au
- Ask your GP or health professional to refer you to our clinic.
- Visit our website and complete a ‘Contact Us’ form and one of our friendly staff will reply to your enquiry. Website: https://cqpsychservices.com.au/
Author: Suzie Humphrey